Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Life

So it's me. Tori. Feeling very down right now. I knew that this semester would be hard, but boy are my classes really kicking my ass right about now. The first month of classes wasn't so bad. But now my stats and lab classes are getting pretty serious and I'm slowly starting to lose hope :/ 

Yesterday I spent hours in the library trying to do my lab homework and had no idea what I was doing so i switched to my lab work. Unfortunately the computers in the library don't have the program i need on them, so I tried to rent a laptop that was supposed to have it on there, but i could not find it at all. I asked the people at the front desk if they knew how to get to it but they didn't, so they gave me another laptop, which didn't have it on there either. From there, I tried to go to a lab in Holt to do it, but it was occupied. I even went to EMCS to try to find a computer to do it on. I was completely at a loss for what to do, but i eventually found a YouTube video that helped me download the program on my computer. I felt so relieved, BUT, after all of that, I spent forever on the homework and did not understand it at all. After what seemed like forever, I decided to just turn it in and be done with it-finished or not. Then tonight, I went to the library to finish my lab homework. I thought I would be able to do it and get it done in not too long...I was wrong of course. Did not understand how to do that either and sat there struggling for about 2 hours. Still haven't finished. Maybe somehow overnight I will obtain the knowledge needed to do statistics. Probably not though. I have a meeting with my very intimidating professor tomorrow to talk, but i honestly have no idea what I'm even going to say. I don't know what questions to ask. I'm scared. sigh. 

Oh, also, I feel really alone. My roommates are gone every single night for a stupid sorority thing, my sister and her roommates live 15 minutes away, half of my friends from last year either don't go here anymore, or don't really hangout much these days. And my boyfriend lives back home. My sister and my best friend are pretty much besties. I mean, we are all best friends, but they have more in common than either of them do with me. They always have sleepovers, watch the same shows, listen to the same music, go to frat parties together... and I don't really like/do those things with them. So they have this weird little bond that can be really annoying sometimes. And anytime i fight with one of them, it's like i'm fighting with both of them. they always seem to take each other's sides and act bratty towards me. They are my two best friends and it's basically like we are all sisters, but it's like I'm always the odd one out :( it really sucks. I truly feel like sometimes I have nobody that genuinely gets me and i can't talk to anyone...I guess that's why I started writing this. A lot of the time I'm just alone with my thoughts, and I think I'm really my own best friend. So tori, I'm rooting for ya girl. I know things get tough sometimes, but you always make it through somehow. I hope you read this in a few months and realize pushing through this semester was worth it...i hope. I feel kind of pathetic doing this, but maybe it'll help. idk.....just ranting now. 
It's crazy how just a couple of rough days can get me feeling so down and helpless. I literally don't know what I want to do with my life, my classes suck, all of this stress seems like it's for absolutely nothing...like really what's the point in being this stressed and upset if I'm not even going to college for something that I'm extremely passionate about? college is fun and all but is it worth all of this money and stress? I dont know.. I want to go home. 

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